FIND YOURSELF ... !!

Bhalobasha....pyaar....love...- mixture of different letter in a variant style to represent one meaning...I  don’t know what exactly it is...!! Frankly my experience in it is very little... though i sometime feel i experienced all d pain and happiness in love...!! i say “NONSENSE”...just a misconception...may be i say it to myself to runaway or excuse from many unanswered questions of my life.

Just from small observation on a biggest part of life... (may be its incorrect)

All of us had grown up by watching all bollywood stuff and created our 80% of dreams from that.... all of us r bloody “copy cats”... we don’t even create our own dreams...

we r very genius when we talk about self independent....freedom.. Blah blah blah.... but if we look it on our own life we will see how independent we r..!!(i don’t wanna explain the same old lecture...remote...computer etc etc...find out yourself)..

but y do we care to look at our self...  its me...myself...my body...my mind...no one is gonna take it... will be there always...and we take it for granted...and make our self busy in others life... obviously what else can we do...cause no one wanna sit jobless.. But no one complain when we take ourselves granted and take interest in others life problem...(the problem which is created by us )..

Think..!! Don’t we do that???

We love others... (to give them more problems)... we sympathises others thinking it might make them feel good... (Which actually does the opposite..Cause all d lies of life r said that time: P: P).. we create competition (thinking for better...and we differentiate also saying healthy and unhealthy competition...though both mean the same in reality...)..we chat ...we GOSSIP... etc etc etc..!! all r the starting route of problem ..

All these might bring fun in life...might make life interesting... but really gives happiness..???!!

 Close your eyes and ask yourself..!! am i really happy..?? u have MONEY...(most imp.)..u r great...genius...etc etc..!! but r u happy ??? Have u ever loved yourself..!! love truly....!!

 ya...may be u will say...am healthy... i have a perfect body...(zero size)..i look great..i take care of myself..i look good... etc etc... What about the mind??? What about the heart...what about the digestive system....??? etc etc.. They are not shown outside... that mean we all will neglect?? (Nowadays anyone can get a degree..Anyone can earn money....!! Because it’s something which shows to the outer world... anyone can manipulate it and live life)... what about the inner life..??The organs (scientifically) which depends on us..!! Which work like a child labour to give our manipulated outer beauty in free...!! ..

Y no one listen to it??? Y???? Y don’t we complain about it..??? y don’t we give 1000 reasons against it??? Then y at the end of our day...y we feel we r not satisfied..??????????!!

We feel bad when we don’t get others attention...but what about our mind ...who is sick of asking attention from the time of our birth..!! We usually feel like a loser when we loose something and sometime take unnecessary steps..Like suicide etc...But what about our heart which keeps pumping blood when it is lost its own self in u long back but still stay lively just to make us live..!!

Sometime we r so happy...we feel as if we got everything in our life...but after few days again life becomes same..!! Cause we don’t care about our own true real happiness.!! (which actually stays forever, but very few experienced it.. Who truly love oneself..)

Exactly like...when we wear a hat to cover our bad hair...or when we wear long sleeves to cover some mark on our hand..etc etc.... we have just learned to hide stuff..!! ppl say facing reality is hard.... but i feel more than that “facing our self is the most hardest job”.

Love...

Everyone falls in love...though some people stay bachelor and say I don’t love anyone...BULLSHIT..!!  Totally a lie...everyone falls ...maybe they r lazy to express..

How do u feel when u work a lot....??? Continuously pray for some rest... but when u gets too many days rest...u usually get bored..!! And try to find something interesting...

Our feelings..-  Love, anger, jealousy, Aggressiveness. Stubborn... etc etc.. None of them wanna be alone..!!

Feelings which define our self...which control us ...which makes us alive... Etc etc etc (dialogues: P J)...

When we love someone we take them as our part of life...and start our usual job of taking granted..!!  But we always forget no one wanna be alone...

Ppl say ...he ditched her...she ditched him...etc etc...Many unlimited stories...most of it created by the gossips..!! when ppl r in love they r believed, seen as a 1 person...and the same thing is done the way we take our life for granted and in return we get loads of disease as a gift..!! In love too we get in return the painful life to live..!! Both mean the same but in a different style..!! Like different font style but depicts the same thing..!!

We r always ready with hundred of reasons to blame others..!! But have we ever tried to blame our self with hundred of reasons and find out the mistake...!! NEVER..!! This is where we lack...and this is what has given birth to the meaning of “GRANTED”...

Respect your own life...the u don’t need to work too hard to gain respect from others..

“My salute to those who lives their life to keep their inner life alive”..!!

I have wrote a big lecture..Essay...whatever u call it..!! But truly...i don’t think so i also love myself TRULY..!! But that’s the reality..!! thats how we have made ourselves..!! may be thats y skin has so many layers to protect us from loads of pain..!! Because when something is not loved truly...except trouble...pain what else can we expect as its result !! 

Interior & Exterior Walk Through

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paralyzed body with a "lively" heart : psycho - CT

College means bunking ..

College means canteen ..

College means passed by chance in exams ...

College means getting caught by faculty ..

College means sleeping in class ..

College means always in trouble ... and continues..... endless list .... :P :D: P :D  .. .. .. ..

Thats how our college life is for 3 of us ( the psychos ) ... 

3 years of college.... 2 1/2 years over ...just few more months left then tata bye bye college and welcome boring professional life ...

Our life was like a dream ...3 of us did every stuff possible...every crap and crazy stuff ...

going triples when police running behind ... hehehehe

bunk college watchman running behind us ...

night out...

confidently fooling a teacher ..

3 of us alone in house ..overloaded with crazy ideas ...

passing funny comments ...

telling something a wrong thing confidently...

proudly hugging each other after exam for giving company in flunking ..

laughing when a teachers yells....

more more  more more........ infinite......

unlimited list ... :P :P

(P:S unless and until u do all those stuff u will never understand its meaning...)

many ppl wondered...asked us "dont u guys fight ever ?"

We always said  "YES".. we do... definitely ... we fight ..we cry....

we cry not out of pain... we cry by feeling the overflowed love of our psycho`s involved in the fight...

we fight to cry ...we fight to love more...

ppl calls us "kiddish behavior" ... we dont mind to be a kid if it gives us a reason to live happily ever after...

family problem....bf problem...office problem...etc etc etc will fly away in one blink when we 3 psychos are together .. No pain killer can compete with our pain relief love which makes us forget everything in life and  takes us to a world of fairy tales..

Ya exactly thats how we r ....

u might call us psychic .. mad...etc..."WE DONT CARE " .. 

(P:S - once in ur life u must tru out this:: act like a mad person for one day ... enjoy ur day as if no one is around u ... do everything u feel like )..

BUT we just forgot reality is different , it has something else for us..

Everything has to come to an end one day.. may be a good or a bad ending ...as our fate has scripted....

Same college ...

Same teachers..

Same canteen ...

Same classrooms ..

everything similar

Same 3 of us... but not psychos any more...

Now ,

the noise of the crowd in canteen / college  is like a dead silent ...

food in canteen seems to be a poison...

the staircase seems to be a haunting place...

bunking classes is boring now...

sleeping in class is an insult now..

Now entering our college make me feel like am entering in my own funeral .. 

A small misunderstanding in a mili second changed everything.... 

our fairytale has become a horror tale now..

living a life where i can breathe but cant feel.... a life which is paralyzed from mind .. a life which is only called but its meaning is lost somewhere ...

Now i understand the meaning of actually fight... now i can feel how ppl in our life can change us...

when we meet ppl we dont realise at all how imp. they slowly become in our life.. we realise when they walk away...

We 3 psychos may not be together now.... forever... reality might separate us but i know even they knows(psycho`s) that we will never ever be separated from the bond of our heart ...

We may not talk ...We may not fight again..we may not see each other anymore in reality..

but I know ..WE know...at the end of the day when we will close our eyes to forget the hectic day we will always feel each other... our heart will talk to each other... it still beats and no one can take away the language of our heart ...

We promised one day we will never leave each other then how can we... ya we broke it... physically & mentally but not "heartedly" .... our hearts are not cruel like our mind ...its decent enough.. it will never break us...

the language of our heart may not be understandable to others.... 

others might call it madness.. others might say its stupidity... 

WE WILL STILL SAY WE DONT CARE 

I donno whats there for us.... i know we r not together any more... 

but i also know WE miss US....

Our heart is binded hardly.... difficult to tear apart....

so y tension...enjoy life...

who care if we talk to each other or not...

we r made for each other... 

THAT`S Y WE R CALLED PSYCHO`S  ....

Psyco`s day out...

Tell me truly ...

dont u wish that ur life should be like movies....

 friends...full of fun...colorful life..!! romance ...etc etc....goes on..!!

 who doesn't....

many day dreamers who slowly looses faith in romance/love....but they never forget to dream to have filmy types frnds....

Everyone wants to have friends who hangs out everyday...colorful ...and all those cool stuff..!!

and next day upload pic in fb or orkut..!!  and then comments and comments... ur profile become very famous...!!

hahahahha....

when it happens... that particular person really enjoy...

happened with me .... and am sure u also enjoyed..!!

but is that all??

i swear...truly... even i used to dream..... "USED TO" ......

though i already enjoyed also...

but now i regret...those were the worst moment....cause it was only show off... but now i enjoy my true life...

life is more practical... Movies are only nice to watch...and a big pain to make..!! :P :D

let me share with u some nice ...funny moments with my crazy two friends...so called Psycho`s.... :P :P :D: D....

Sheena , Vrinda and Me ... 

today we met in sheens (sheena) place to do so called college project...!! so serious... collected all the props needed...etc etc... got ready.... and was there at her place on time... entered her room...started research ..etc etc related to the topic...

and then.....

what else??? do u thnk we really worked???...hahahaha... maximum 5 mins...!!

heyyy check out that video.... hey u know she was  ..... hey hey i heard that tomo is .... etc etc.... etc... girls gossip started..!! 

final my dialogue... "chuck it guys... lets watch a movie now... we will do it tomo " .... 

ya ya taht will be better... 

and thats all... tahts the starting ...oh gosh...

for the next 6 hrs... we had the best time of our life...

we did all crazy stuff.... girls can do...when they are locked in a room ... (except fight)...:P :D: P:D

to be frank...if  i tell u what i did...actually there is nothing...but u know i feel so excited ,.happy... cause the small small joke we cracked...small small fights we had today... those falling down crazily... pulling each others dress... and ( sme thng very perso ..cant tell here)....very very personal....

those were d best moments....unforgettable memories...

and ya today we discovered a great thing....sorry not WE...me and Sheen a... lolzz...

we had (hot)Maggie  stuffed inside puri... 

i swear one should try it..!! it was yummy..

oops sorry... forgot to tell there was one more frnd neha...and sheens bro...d only guy in house..!! they added more masala to our friendship and made our day more memorable...

the most funniest part...!!! donno what me and vrinda was exactly trying to do but was continously pulling sheens skirt down.... half n hour over...helpless sheens atlast to protect she ran and bought her dog(angel) inside the room...thats all...

we all were dead...lolzz..me , vrinda and neha screamed like anything....

and atlast i like a fool started crying.... uffff... thank god my false tears came on time.... & she believed... took d dog out... pheww...

today was d best unforgettable day...

Truly i dont wish to enjoy everyday like today`s... cause i know there will be no fun.. the value of our friendship will be lost..!!

i wanna preserve all our memories...and enjoy slowly through out my life..!!

cheers to my phyco`s.. love u guys... and u hate u too..!!  :D  muah muah muah muah .... :P :D :P

love u psycho`s

i really dont know how to thank god..!! once more god proved that he is with me..!! thank u god thank u...!!

guess what guys..!!

my two psycho`s (sisters) r back....

cant believe we three actually can be so senti... hahahhaha..!!

i was lying down with all my grief in my heart(filmy).:P:P.... suddenly saw her walking in and hugging me ...i was shocked... dam shocked..!!

EGO EGO...was controlling my tear... how can i tell her that i miss u... after all my mind was full of EGO..!! but when i felt wet on my shoulder...i couldn't control mine..!! the touch of love once more pinched my heart....and it went on for 1/2 n hour...(filmy senti scene:P) before the other psycho reach my place...!! by that time we solved the whole matter and both of us thought of getting crazy with our 3rd psycho... hahhaha..!!

she called.... hey i reached her place.... am coming up..!!

and bothof us .. 2 psycho`s turned into two flop actor.... face down... one sitting on a chair... me on the bed..!! face red... crying..(acting)....

she entered..!! she looked at me...confused..!! she starts crying... me still controlling my laugh... i covered my face and started laughing..!! she thought am crying...!! she hugged me tightly..!! gone all actings gone...!! felt the touch of love once again...!! we hugged each other tightly and cried..!!

three of us hugged and cried till we satisfied ourselves with laugh and melted ice cream(just by seeing the packet).. guess what none of us touched the ice cream.. we were missing so much each other.... MIRACLE !!... ICE CREAM LEFT Untouched... hahahhahaha....

and then the fun begins....!!

by mistake i just told "hey tommo is holi rite"... thats all gone..!! shit..!!

one full packet of color came out of her bag... and both of us ran... but atlast got ourselves lost in colors..!! actually running was just a way of putting scene ...filmy way...!! who dont wanna play holi ??.... :P:P... enough of color...!! ovr..!! those two went to wash their faces and came out fully wet..!! :P:P...

then they realised...shit we have to go to college..!! how will we go now...!! crap crap..

now its time to get into over sized dress..!! hahahaha.... but actually turned up in the other way... they were looking more cool.. afterall my dress rocks !!:P:P :D:D...

went to college had fun...awesome... THREE DAYS can u believe 3 days we didnt talk..!! OH GOD..!! what a punishment..!!

oops how can i miss this... we had a awesome lunch in my place..!! i guess they enjoyed it... (obviously duh !!! ... afterall it was a food..!! lolz...!!)....

That day felt so proud, i felt lucky... donno what i felt exactly... but whatever it was... it satisfied my soul with loads of love from my psycho`s..!!

But i was very much Shocked(still in shock) ...

one of our very close friend is d one who tried her best to create fight between us...it was she who made our small fight(which was supposed to be for 10min) into a big one just by adding more fuel into it...!!

i believed her blindly...am still not able to figure out why she is doing that ... why d hell is she trying to create a distance.... so jealous??

i feel shit now for whateva happen...

lost one more friend...but happy this time... cause she is not worth calling FRIEND...

what to do... she is yet to get Psycho`s in her life.... :P :P(am lucky i already got them)

whatever bullshit...who cares..!!

nobody can separate us..!!

we r made for each other..!!

we psychos live for each other..!!

WE ROK !!

Psychos - CT

Friendship.. I really didn’t know what it is except reading those quotes and telling myself that’s friendship..!!

"Your friend is the man who knows all about you, and still likes you."
-- Elbert Hubbard

"Who finds a faithful friend, finds a treasure." -- Jewish saying

Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow.
Don't walk behind me, I may not lead.
Just walk beside me and be my friend.-- Albert Camus

Etc etc etc and its goes on..!!

I kept wondering .. ppl r so jobless to write such quotes… do they really mean it??... happens in reality??... There can be friends like that… it was always NO to me.. Cause I really never had good friends…

Slowly I met one girl….became friends… slowly got little close…life changed… enjoyed life with her in a different way… life was nice… enjoying each second..!! I tried to be the “quotes” type friend… mean the true friend…!! And I really made it ..!! I was true to her every sec..!! then slowly many ppl walked into our life..and both changed..!! cried like hell…. Promised to never get close to any any any person..!!

Life was moving very slowly…. Two more girls walked into my life… first we hated each other then slowly started liking each other…and slowly loved each other…and then it moved on more than friendship,… (oops don’t get me wrng… we r staright…lol)..kinda started building a relationship like sisters…

One day I read a mail which has all those frndshp quotes.. i was going to delete it…and realised its so true ..so so true..! true frnds do exist …ya ya.. and guess what… I was enjoying my life with my true friends oops sorry true sisters..!! I was completely true to them…and am sure they were also… I was nt even so confortable with my love(hs).. when I was with them I was myself…as if am talking to my own soul…

we shared every mili sec of our life..!! Every boring place we went become a memorable one … even the toilets..!! …JJ

3 of us had fun like crazy…. Wherever we go for sure we will make a hungama and then come back..!!... we r d most coolest person…I guess so..!! Used to tease each other like crazy..!! And food…gawd…better if I don’t say anything..!! Food mean race… eat eat eat as much u can….as fast u can..!! parathas will be over in a mini sec…panner….badluck which we neva got..!! food food food…. ..!!

Again many ppl started walking in…but this time we were sisters… whoever tried to walk in too much they fell down and went back..!! We never thought we r 3 we were always 1- “The 3 psychos”...Always..!! I used thank god every sec…

Again past came back to my life … words for teasing started coming out with real meaning…. Pain started walking in again … proudly I told this time u cant walk in… u cant do anything to me..!! “pain” u r alone…we r 3… "the Psychos”…so better leave… but life had different plan… “pain” again became a part of my life…again I have to live alone..

My heart is lonely…my love (hs) is with me.. But nobody can take angels place..!!

I think am not enough fortunate to be anybody’s sister..!! When I was small.. my brother was my best friend… he also left me and went to god… everyday I used to pray to god to give my bro back….i used to cry …used to feel very jealous when I saw any sisters or brothers…!! When I grew up I met my (“psycho”) friend… slowly became (“psycho”) sister(the angels) …thought god has listen to me… he couldn’t send my bro ..so he send two angels…but I was wrong again .. I was so proud to tell everybody look even I have sisters..!! but… may be I was too proud which made me left alone again..!

I hated the month February… 28thfeb 2001 my bro left me…from that time I hate february… and again my two sister just walked away on 24^th feb 2010 just like that... Without even looking back once at me…!!

Atleast I knew my brother didn’t had any choice... god forced him… but who forced my Psychos to leave me??...

Cried again silently..!! Felt like someone is squeezing my heart…someone is hitting very hard… was just praying to god pls take me pls pls..!!

Am totally left alone… life seems to be stopped…

I LOVE YOU my psycho`s..

But I don’t thnk so if they come back also I can be back truly to them… because I am really scared to get hurt again…. My heart is really weak..!!